On the weekend I flew to Sydney in order to hear Miranda July speak. I think I got this opportunity, as I am clearly a reverse oracle. I put it to the universe that I felt inspired and freed by her work as I will never cross paths with her. I was so certain of this, that I told my video camera, who told this here blog. I knew reverse psychology worked, but I was not so certain that it was powerful with the universe on a whole, and all of its spirit animals. Turns out I underestimate too many things, too much of the time.
Anyway, meeting one of your heroes is a funny thing. You cry and notice what shoes they are wearing and then you shake uncontrollably for a few minutes when they touch your arm. You take every word they say and tie it up with rope, and then you swallow it, and it gives you indigestion but that is OK because you don't ever what to forget that it is inside you anyway. She said 'Are you a writer?' and she said 'Really, life is horrific.' and she said 'STOP. TIME!' and she said 'Kate.' I don't think she would be able to remember any of the words that I said, but I know that I said 'This is a bit silly.' at least three times, which is not something I think I have ever said before and have certainly not said after last Sunday.
I have been really lonely since then, but I think that has nothing at all to do with Miranda July and more to do with my general paranoia that no one wants to be my actual friend. It is 3pm and I am still in bed, so I don't think I am helping myself break through this in anyway, but I can't help but sit here and feel poorly, and that life is actually horrific.
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